On Dialogue (or another 'He said - She said post')

First! If you follow me, please edit your Google Friend Connect profile to include a link to your blog so I can follow you back!
--
It's back to basics today with dialogue! I'm a grammar freak (*cue groans*) and nothing pulls me out of a story faster than poor grammar.

To help, I've brought in Kai and Avan, two characters from my latest WIP.

"Hi," Kai said with a wave. "We're here to... make mindless conversation in order to demonstrate Lori's dialogue points."

Avan grinned. "Let's start!"

When followed by a dialogue tag, use a comma instead of a period to end the spoken statement. Likewise, use a comma to separate the dialogue from the tag if the tag precedes the spoken statement:

"You live in the old freight yard now," Kai said, settling on the first topic that came to mind.

Avan hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans and looked down. He said,  "Bit of a downgrade, but at least I've got it to myself."

Dialogue ending in a question mark or exclamation point:

"You still working for the District Mail Center?" Avan asked. "The White Court must be something."

Kai's job as a courier meant she had a pass to enter the South District--the White Court according to everyone who lived outside its twenty-foot stone walls.

"It's crazy!" she said, loud enough to warrant an exclamation point even though she wasn't much for shouting. "Colors everywhere. They should have named it Rainbow Vomit."

Dialogue without any tags, and using action instead to indicate who is speaking:

"I do like to let my actions speak for me." Avan smiled and pushed messy brown hair behind his ear.

Kai suspected it was a calculated move to take full advantage of his dimple. She rolled her eyes. "You could stand to speak less."

Breaking up dialogue with a tag:

"So," Kai said, "how long do we have to keep talking? I have to take Reev his dinner or he won't eat at all."

"Speaking of dinner," Avan said, leaning in close enough that Kai raised an eyebrow and told herself blushing was not an option, "have you eaten yet?"

"Yes." It was a lie and Avan probably knew that, but he smiled anyway and drew back. Kai glanced away.

Don't bury the dialogue in the middle of a paragraph.

Buried:
Kai shoved her hands into her back pockets and hunched her shoulders. "Are we done then?" They'd known each other for almost a decade, and they'd been friends for most of that time. She didn't know when things had grown awkward, but she blamed Avan. Namely because most things could be blamed on Avan.

Better!
Kai shoved her hands into her back pockets and hunched her shoulders. "Are we done then?"

They'd known each other for almost a decade and they'd been friends for most of that time. She didn't know when things had grown awkward, but she blamed Avan. Namely because most things could be blamed on Avan.

Um. Kai and Avan have both informed me that they're leaving now. Which is just as well since their unresolved attraction is leaking into this lesson.

"What?!" Kai said, providing an opportunity for Lori to point out that using the interrobang is considered poor form in formal writing.

Avan smirked. "I thought you were leaving."

"I am," Kai said, glaring. She turned her back, and Avan's smirk wilted, transforming into something else... something softer. With a sigh, he followed her.

(Lori would like to point out that you shouldn't alternate between third person omniscient and third person limited the way she just did, but that's a lesson for another day.)

*Cough* Right. Let's end this.

Final pointers:

• Keep creative dialogue tags at a minimum - 90% should be 'said' because 'said' is invisible to readers and, therefore, doesn't disrupt the flow of the dialogue. Excessive creative tags is a sure sign of a new writer.
examples: exclaimed, muttered, cajoled, teased, commiserate, hedge, proclaim, etcetc DON'T DO THIS

• Make sure all adverbs tacked onto dialogue tags are necessary. Most of the time, they're not. Trust your dialogue to deliver the nuance instead of relying on creative tags and adverbs.

• Dialogue by a new speaker always begins on a new line.

• Any action by the speaker associated with the dialogue should be in the same paragraph.

And there you have it. Did I miss anything?

"Say it like you mean it!"

♥

On World Building

First, don't forget to sign up for the Voice Matters Blogfest Challenge (to be posted on Wednesday FRIDAY - changed the date)! And don't forget to drop by tomorrow for the Query Blogfest and, if you can, offer some helpful feedback ♥

I'm outlining a new WIP that I'm super excited to start writing. When I outline, I need to know what the purpose of every scene is and where each plot point will fall. Bits of dialogue usually come to me as well, and I jot them down as I go. But in order to outline at the level of detail I prefer, I first need to have my world fully fleshed out.

So, how do I do that? I make... more outlines lol. And maps. And lists.

World building points and questions to help guide the process:

• History - My WIP takes place in a post-apocalyptic future. Even if it's never mentioned in the book, I need to know why and how the world my MC lives in has reached this point. Details like this are relevant to developing the world's political and social systems.

Why were there separate districts in The Hunger Games, and why were they forced to sacrifice their children? What was wrong with Sol-Earth that Amy (and her parents) in Across the Universe needed to be cryogenically frozen and placed aboard the Godspeed? What is the One Ring and how did Sauron use it to nearly enslave all of Middle Earth?

The history of your world affects everything from political and religious beliefs to the development of technology and warfare.

• Politics - Who's in charge? Is it a dictatorship or a democracy? A feudal system? A monarchy? A perceived utopia? And how will these things help and hinder your MC?

• Society, culture and religion - Is it a rigidly controlled society like in The Hunger Games and Matched? Or is it more diverse and rich like in The Lord of the Rings? Is there a division of classes or a social hierarchy? Are the people technologically dependent? Is there a predominant religion or a wide range of beliefs? Are the people monotheistic, polytheistic or atheistic?

• Magical system - If magic exists in your world, are there rules and restrictions? Is the "science" of it explained like in The Sorcerer's Apprentice or is it simply an inexplicable phenomenon? Is it genetic or random? Is it common knowledge or kept secret? Is there an entirely different magical history/politics/society from the "normal" one? What is the purpose of the magic? Are there magical instruments as well, such as wands and time turners like in Harry Potter?

• Technology - Since my WIP is a cyberpunk dystopian, there are cybernetically enhanced humans in it. I need to know all the hows and whys of their creation. I also need to come up with how this futuristic world uses technology in its every day routines, and how machines are both conveniences and restrictions to the people and my MC.

If your story is a steampunk, how might technology be unique to that world?

• Maps - A map of the world is usually handy if your story takes place on a finite stage, like the ship in Across the Universe. Or within a sweeping fantasy world like Narnia, or in a distant future like The Hunger Games. This can be taken even further with detailed maps of smaller areas and countries, like a map of both Middle Earth and then zoomed in maps of each of its countries. Or a map of the ship Godspeed and then detailed maps of each floor.

• Locations - Similar to maps, but not quite. I like to list every location my MC will eventually come across and flesh it out--how to get there, what it looks like, the atmosphere, the people there, and its purpose.

Ultimately, all these questions are linked together, each answer dependent on the next to grow and transform into a fully realized world.

Have fun world building! ♥

Editing - Easy Ways to Cut Word Count and Tighten Writing

If you're like me, you probably end up with a higher word count than is typical for your manuscript's genre. But before you start ripping out entire scenes to the soundtrack of a lonely violin, start with the basics. Simply by cutting adverbs and repeated words/phrases/descriptions, I was able to shave 3k words off my manuscript without even touching the scenes at large. Of course, THEN I addressed my plot as a whole and removed scenes I didn't think were necessary, but my word count was looking pretty good by then.

Easy ways to cut word count:

• adverbs - I'm not anti-adverbs. I quite like them. But, in excess, they tend to overpower the narrative. Less is more, and when you use them, make sure they're important to the prose and not just used to cover up lazy writing.

• crutch words - Most common I've come across are 'just,' '(a) little,' and 'sort/kind of.' These words and phrases can almost always be cut, and the sentence is usually stronger for it. If you're not sure what your crutch words are, have a beta reader evaluate for you, or read your work carefully and when you notice a word repeated even once or twice, use Word's highlight feature to find all repeated instances of it.

Click ctrl+f to open the Find and Replace box. Enter the word you want to search for and then select 'Reading Highlight > Highlight All.' It will then tell you how many times the word was highlighted and display in your document.

• extraneous words - typically words that are redundant and state the obvious

She sat down. or She stood up. - She's not going to sit up or stand down (and if she is, then she's doing something very different).

She touched his face with her hand. - It's a sure bet she's not touching his face with her feet.

She let her mouth curve into a smile. - Shortened to: She smiled. or, if you must, Her mouth curved into a smile.

She took a step back. - Shortened to: She stepped back.

His voice flutters around her, quick and elusive, impossible to track. - Repeating the same thing in a different way.

Now consider this example:

Original: Carl turned to look at his Aunt Sue who'd come to stand beside him, her hand resting on his shoulder. She'd taken off the hat and now she stood in front of him, a small smile curving her mouth, gentle and warm but there was a tinge of sadness on her face, in the crinkles at the corners of her blue eyes.

Edited: His Aunt Sue came to stand beside him, her hand resting on his shoulder. She'd taken off her hat. A small smile curved her mouth, but sadness lingered in the crinkles at the corners of her blue eyes.

The second version is much tighter, but still conveys everything the first version does.

Good luck editing! ♥

The Aspiring Writer's Soundtrack

Specifically, this song » Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble

I've found that many a writer and agent have compared the agent search to dating. You have to look at compatibility in terms of genres, likes and dislikes, communication, what you want out of the relationship, long-term commitment or just a one night book fling, etc. So you do your research, find an agent you believe is The One, stalk memorize their interviews and submission requirements, fret for days, and then, because your CP threatens you with evisceration and/or other Unpleasant Things, you finally shoot off a query with a mixture of dread and anticipation.

Three weeks later, you get a form rejection. Ouch. But, hey, sometimes it's just not meant to be, and you have to move on.

This is where the song comes in. It should be on every aspiring writer's soundtrack.

I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

Every rejection you receive makes you second guess yourself. You wonder if the problem was your query, your sample pages, the agent's tastes, or whether you're just a talentless hack who should give up and drown your sorrows in a gallon of double chocolate fudge swirl ice cream. You have to sit your confidence down and give it a pep talk just to send off the next query.

On the bright side, you do grow a thicker skin!

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timin' and the other half's luck

The thick skin is important. Listen to Churchill; he had it right. Never, ever give up. And, unfortunately, a lot of it is timing and luck. Getting the right manuscript into the hands of the right agent at the right time. So focus on what you can control--the quality of your work. Make it the best you possibly can and then send off those queries and cross your fingers.

Somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I love how optimistic the lyrics are! Someday, your time will come. But when it does, the work doesn't stop there. Now, you've got an advocate, but you have to work harder than ever to keep the relationship together and to deliver your best. And I, for one, look forward to it!

And I know that we can be so amazin'
And bein' in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

Okay, still true, but it's probably best not to write love sonnets to your agent until the contract is signed and s/he can't back out of it without more paperwork and awkwardness. *cue maniacal laughter*

What's a song on your personal soundtrack? ♥

What Editing and the Man in the Iron Mask Have in Common

Yes, I'm talking about the 1998 film b/c I haven't read the book (I know, I'm such a pleb). No, it's not Leonardo DiCaprio.

"Wear it until you love it."
~Said by Louis to his brother Phillipe. He followed that up with 'And die in it.' But I think that might be taking the metaphor too far. AND I DON'T ENCOURAGE EDITING UNTIL YOU DIE OF IT, JUST SAYING.

When I began editing, it drove me nuts. The overwriting! The horrid dialogue! The minutiae! Of course, six months and a far better manuscript later, I began to realize I really liked this editing thing. Good thing because it took another four months of editing to reach where I'm at now. I wielded my mental red pen (b/c I edit on the computer and marking up the screen with red ink is only fun in theory) like an ice sculptor's chainsaw and hacked away the large, unusable bits. Then I picked up the chisel and worked on the finer details. Editing, I discovered, is fun!

"I wear the mask. It does not wear me."
~Said by Phillippe when he's rescued, yay!

Editing is something you can't avoid. Kind of like writing stories. Stuff you just have to do if you want to be an author. Unless you're Snooki. And yeah, sometimes it begins to feel like editing has transformed into this suffocating mask that hides you away from things like sunlight and your family and the shower.

Seriously though, editing is one of your greatest tools as a writer, but when you want to stop and put it down? Go ahead and put it down. Trust me, it's detachable (unlike Phillippe's mask).

Hope you guys had a great weekend. ♥ Stay safe!

On the Value of Crit Partners (and where to find them!)

You've probably heard this before, but critique partners are invaluable to aspiring writers. I'm personally a fan of critiquers who tell me like it is. No need to sugarcoat it. I can't possibly improve if I'm not told what I'm doing wrong. I've always been a very frank critiquer myself--I try to gentle my words, but I'm always honest. Back in fandom, I once beta'd for a writer, and I must have been too honest because I never heard back from her. Oops?

After that incident, I was careful to never offer to beta for anyone ever again lol, because what I learned about fandom, which ties in to what I wrote about here (on the dangers of complacency), is that 95% of fanfiction writers don't want to be critiqued no matter what they say to the contrary. And that's okay! Fanfiction is for fun!

In Which The Writing Community is AMAZING

Then I joined YALitchat.org, and I was blown away by how awesome the people there were. I joined First Pages (Crit Group), and started critiquing pages by members. Every critique was received with grace and enthusiasm. I was so impressed. It was such a different experience from what I'd witnessed in fandom. I received great critiques from the members there as well, and I've loved every experience I've had there so far.

I delved deeper into the writing community. I started out with one CP, a long-time friend from the Naruto fandom. We were both aspiring writers, and we both shared a love of YA, so becoming CPs seemed natural. But after 14 months, I was nearing the end of my editing, and she was still buried neck-deep writing the second draft of her YA, so I found myself at an impasse. Everywhere I read, agents and published writers alike suggested getting as many eyes as possible on your manuscript, so that's what I did.

Just within the last month and a half, I've been extremely lucky to find (and been found by) critique partners who are not only great writers, but who can pinpoint problems in my writing and have ready advice for how to improve it.

So What Makes a Good Crit Partner?

Well, that answer depends on what you want =D

Better bloggers have said this before, but I think it bears repeating. When looking for a crit partner, keep in mind the following:

1. Goals - What do you want from a CP? Frank, brutally honest feedback? Line editing? A friend and cheerleader? Your goals should match up, at least mostly.

2. Understanding - Even if your goals match up, it doesn't help if you don't click as people. No one wants to take critique from someone they don't respect or like (no matter how accurate the critique might be).

3. Skill - Ideally, you want a CP who is either a better writer than you are or who is at the same level as you. I say this because I've improved by reading those better writers, and if I could get their feedback on my writing? Score! But with a CP at the same level, you get to learn together, and that can oftentimes be even more rewarding. Of course, I believe that every writer has something unique to offer so as long as you can find that CP who makes you look at your manuscript in a new and better way, I'd say you're fine =)

Personally, the best thing about having more than one crit partner is that each one tends to have their own strengths and weaknesses, and there's a really neat balance that forms. I have something to learn from all of my CPs, and that's what I love every time I pick up one of their chapters to read.

Great places to find crit partners:

• Adventures in Children's Publishing: Alpha & Beta Reader Exchange
• Natalie Whipple's Crit Partner Classifieds
• Nathan Bransford Forums
• Let the Words Flow Crit Partner sign ups
• YALitchat.org's Crit Seekers Group
• Maggie Stiefvater's 2011 Critique Partner Love Connection

CPs: Friends and Comrades in Arms. Or like a squad of vampire hunters--you can always rely on them to stake you if you f#@! up and get bitten ♥

Good luck finding yours! ♥

On the dangers of complacency

Years ago, I started writing fanfiction partly as a fun way to keep writing when I was dry on ideas for original fiction and partly as a means of honing my craft. What I didn't know then is that writing fanfiction breeds complacency, and complacency is detrimental to an aspiring writer.

Instant Gratification vs. The Long and Winding Road

The thing about fanfiction is that it gives writers what the agonizingly long process of writing original-fiction-with-hope-to-publish doesn't: instant gratification. You whip up a story about ready-made characters fans of the canon (original source material) are already emotionally invested in, post it to a community like fanfiction.net, and BAM, an immediate audience ready to read and review. No need to wait on submission, publication, distribution, book reviews and advertising and publicity, all of which is a buttload of work and can take a minimum of a year or two to... infinitely longer.

Too Much of a Good Thing

But one of the greatest things about fandom is also the greatest cultivator of complacency--the fans. Don't get me wrong, I love a positive review. Who doesn't? Publishing is an extremely subjective business, but fandom and fanfiction is a million times more so because there are no gatekeepers and no quality control. I've seen countless fanfic writers post in their Author's Notes that they're open to concrit because they want to improve. But if a hundred people review a poorly written fanfic with glowing comments about how amazing it is, that writer who believed their writing needed improvement might begin to think otherwise.

Concrit Is Not a Personal Attack (when it's actually concrit)

The thing about being an aspiring writer is that you must be able to take constructive criticism. It's a part of growing a skin thick enough to take all the rejection that will inevitably pave the way to success. You have to take criticism and rejection. You have to want to improve, to strive, to never give up.

Learn to be Objective

I'm not saying you can't love your writing. It's perfectly healthy to write something and be protective of it because of the hours spent laboring over it and the love and effort poured into it. But it's important to also acknowledge that it could be improved, greatly even. I look at my writing and I know, without a doubt, that there's a lot I have to work on. I rely on my crit partners to be honest with me, because I have trouble pinpointing my weaknesses myself. It takes quite a bit of effort, typically, to alter your style, to make changes that you maybe aren't comfortable with, in an effort to improve. So change can oftentimes be slow, painstakingly so. But is it worth it? Heck yes.

Fandom Fame Does Not Equal Published Writer

An amazing thing about fandom is that it opens you to this community of writers and readers, all of whom share a love of the canon. I've met some of my most enduring and best friends there. But I've also seen a lot of aspiring writers never break free of fandom. They've built a loyal readership, they interact and befriend their fans, they become "famous" in their own little corner of the internet. And for those in it just for fun, then hey, I've got no complaints. But for the ones claiming to be aspiring writers, it's easy to fall under the spell of perceived internet fame and forget what you began writing for.

I spent five years writing fanfiction, and I'm still divided about it. On the one hand, writing fanfiction--and, more importantly, reading it by much better writers--genuinely, truly, without a doubt improved my writing beyond anything I learned in college. I will always be grateful for that and to the writers in fandom who are some of the best I have ever read, published or otherwise. They inspired me to keep improving, because I wanted to write like them. On the other hand, I completely put off original fiction until the last two years when I looked back at my time spent in fandom and thought, "I've wanted to be a published writer my whole life. What the hell have I been doing?"

Fanfiction doesn't apply to everyone, of course, but the dangers of complacency is very real for all aspiring writers and the message is universal.

Never stop striving to improve. Never give up. Write, write, write ♥

Favorite books from childhood

First! I got this rocking award from Brenda Drake:

Thank you so much for the love, Brenda! ♥

The rules for accepting this award:
1. Thank and link back to the person who gave the award
2. State seven things about yourself
3. Pass the award on to any recently discovered great bloggers

Seven things about myself

1. I was born in a village in the mountains of Laos and lived on a Thailand refugee camp until I was three.
2. I have twelve nephews.
3. Celtic music, particularly the instrumentals, makes me happy. And sad. But a happy sad.
4. I owned a book about unicorns as a child. But it wasn't just any book about unicorns. It contained pictures of live unicorns and information about their various habitats around the world. I was convinced they were real. I'm still a little convinced they're real.
5. I wrote my first proper (beginning, middle, end) story when I was eight. It was a Cinderella-retelling of Persephone. (And she had an awesome purse that glittered)
6. My daughter is my most important person.
7. I like to pretend this place exists:

I'm passing the award onto ThatGirlAni b/c she was my first follower, and I definitely want to see her blogging more! *hug*

And now! Here's a few favorite books from my childhood.

• Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein
• The Fairy Rebel by Lynne Reid Banks
• The Betrayal by R.L. Stine (and the other books in the Fear Street Saga Trilogy)
• The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
• The Giver by Lois Lowry

What were some of your favorite books?

Rivalships straddle the line

As an introduction to myself and my blog, I thought I'd talk about my favorite type of relationship in literature--the rivalship.

For me, the term 'rivalship' doesn't just mean two people competing for a title or goal. More often than not, they're on the same side. The term 'rivalship' goes well beyond simple rivalry--they compete on an internal level: strength, validation, acknowledgment, etc. Rivalships have more friction than not. They challenge each other mentally, morally, and sometimes even physically.

BUT! And this is important--they also share a unifying factor, be it duty or camaraderie or justice or a mutual (even if grudging) respect for each other. This is essential to the relationship and what sets it apart from being ProtagonistxAntagonist or just two people who hate each other. They straddle the line between love and hate, but ultimately fall on the love side. Sexual tension is also great, but it has to evolve past that--or start with something else and evolve into that lol. These are the couples that take a whole lot of effort to work, but are so very worth it in the end--and are that much stronger for it.

Rivalships have the potential to drive characterization and plot (to an extent, of course). Let's say that character X is angry and jaded. Character X meets character Z, someone who hopes and dreams despite a dark past and a darker future, and X thinks Z is a naive fool, but Z is just so optimistic that X grudgingly learns to hope again too. But maybe Z is secretly terrified because she has the weight of the world on her shoulders (or maybe just pressure from parents and peers) and, despite how exasperating X is, Z appreciates it--relies on it to keep her sane--when X treats her like just another human being. Rivalships bring out the best and worst in both sides. They frustrate the reader with constant external and internal conflict and, at least for me, pushes them to read on.

And, sometimes, seeing two characters who secretly like each other clash can be hilarious! =P

Disclaimer: This doesn't mean I don't like other sorts of relationships. When couples are romantic and sweet and just fit together--that's lovely to read as well (like Anna and Etienne from Anna and the French Kiss).

Rivalships that I can think of off the top of my head:
• Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice)
• Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler (Gone With the Wind)
• Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark (Hunger Games--literally rivals there)
• Val and Ravus (Valiant)
• Nick and Mae (Demon's Lexicon)
• Aislinn and Keenan (Wicked Lovely)

I leave you with one of my favorite rivalships of all time, Allen and Kanda from the manga D.Gray-man (who are not even canon and also happen to be both male):

Art by me :)

What rivalships can you think of? Which are your favorite? Or, if you're not a fan of rivalships, why not?

Welcome!

First post. Pretty sure no one is reading this yet, but I'm an aspiring writer of YA fiction and this blog is for me to talk about writerly things and my journey first toward representation and then, hopefully, publication :)
If there's anything specific (writing-related or not) you'd like to see me talk about, please let me know! <3